fading...

fading... would you notice if I were gone? didn't throw a big party, didn't give you any notice... just gone... i'm fading... piece by piece i'm drifting away... maybe we met after it started but i'm fading still... and when i'm gone will you wonder what happened? ask yourself what might have prevented... my fading... all you saw was a mess, she's too much to handle... never thought for a second i was fading... so quickly unraveling, too busy ruining, her life, her relationships, her self... fading... and now looking back do you see, somehow, a girl who was crying... when no one could hear... but fading more with every tear... given another chance would you reach out... beyond what you saw as insanity... to find a soul too afraid to scream... because screaming is what made you turn away... so, quietly she fades... but no one hears a silent cry for help... fading... it happened slow... maybe you never noticed... fading... but thinking back, in some way you knew... yet you chose not to see... my fading... and now look for me, but i've faded...

I wrote this on April 25, 2010.  The weekend I slept for 3 days.  Darkened my windows and slept.  And then I woke up that Sunday and went to church. Because I know there was something in that darkness that had caught hold of something inside me.  It would bring me down if I let it.  I was already fading...