Second Chances

I've been cheated on.  Twice.

The second guy, I haven't spoken to him since I found out.  If I saw him in Wal-Mart, I would pretend like I hadn't.  Because he lied to me.  Deliberately.  Elaborately.  I'm through with him. 

The first guy, I've kept in touch with.  I honestly chalk it up to the fact that he was young and stupid.  Put himself in a situation and in a mindset that allowed something to happen.  Stupid.  Didn't really have a concept of what it was really supposed to mean when he said, "I love you."  Because love means I would have at least crossed his mind.  And I never did.  Young and stupid.  What he did to me wasn't decent.  But I believe that he is still a decent person.  So a friendship of some kind has managed to survive.

Some betrayals are just too deep to allow for any kind of second chance.  Some betrayals mean certain opportunities are lost forever.

I failed out of school.  Twice.

The first time was in high school.  I was at a residential high school for the academically gifted.  Juniors and Seniors only.  There were a lot of factors that contributed to the situation.  I had mono while I was there.  I had roommate problems that really had me messed up.  My dad was getting ready to go back to Iraq.  I wasn't taking good care of myself.  Every day I battled Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder that wasn't diagnosed or treated.

The second time was in college.  I had graduated early, and was incredibly blessed to receive a phenomenal scholarship.  Again, there were a lot of contributing factors.

I went into both situations with something of a handicap.  I had been given second chances all throughout my schooling.  I was a good student.  I was smart.  I was something of a teacher's pet.  I was given second chances I didn't deserve.  Teachers forgave late assignments.  They accepted those assignments even though they never should have.  I was given the benefit of the doubt countless times.

Not that I blame these educators for showing me mercy.  But I wonder how things would have turned out, had they not been so lenient.  Would I have learned to study at an earlier age?  Would I have appreciated my scholarship more if I had felt as though I had really worked to earn it?

Sometimes second chances make as work twice as hard.  Sometimes second chances just enable us to slide by.

I don't think there's a hard and fast rule that dictates whether a person deserves another opportunity.  And really, there's no way to know if that opportunity will produce a different outcome.  I suppose we just have to weigh it for ourselves.  Can we afford to be disappointed again?