The Beauty of Butterflies

I guess I have a lot to tell, since it's been a week and an eventful week at that. I'll start with what's going on this very moment.

I am so happy. Me and my mom went to my new psychiatrist today. I haven't been sleeping worth a flip. We're talking I wake up anywhere from twice to six times a night. So, he gave me something for that, which I have yet to try out. That's not really why I'm happy anyway. He said that I DO have ADHD as well as bipolar disorder. So he started me on Vyvance. And let me tell, you I feel great. I can actually study now. I can get things accomplished. I can be myself again. It's so liberating. I'm lovin it right now.

Additionally, I've found a new romance prospect. It's really been so crazy. He's a guy I dated my sophomore year. I went on my first date with him. He made me laugh so hard and I was so comfortable with him. We wrote multiple page long notes and could talk for hours. He was such a great friend. The problem was, that's all I saw him as. So I broke it off after 2 months. Even still, I felt so respected afterwards. We had never even kissed. It was and still is the only relationship I have absolutely no regrets about. We remained friends after the split, although we lost touch what with going to different schools and whatnot.

I saw him this past fall. I was at Wal-Mart waiting on my oil to be changed. I was so manic, it's not even funny. So I decided to go virtual shopping. Basically, I grabbed a cart and threw anything and everything I like in it. Cris caught me in the clothing department. It was not a good day. He gave me a hug. I so needed it. It was that moment, though, that I realized that there was something more.

This past week, I was trying to reach out to some friends that I had kind of ditched during the course of my bipolar onset. I had always considered him to be one of my best friends, even when we didn't stay in contact. Cris had texted me a few days before asking for prayer for his mom, who undergoes surgery tomorrow morning. So I decided to text him. We talked and made plans for him to come over to help me with my guitar (because I am terrible). That was for Friday. On Thursday, I texted him, telling him he should come see me at work. I was bored, as usual, but I think something small wanted very much that something more.

He came to see me and stayed for about an hour. We talked and laughed like no time had passed. Later, he confessed to me that our brief meeting had reminded him of how things had been the first time. I confessed that it had made me wish for a second try.

A whirlwind of emotions and butterflies and hearts melting ensued. He took me on a picnic today. I love being with him. Because with him, I'm just me. No one else, not trying to impress. Not worried that he'll judge me. I can just be. And that is beautiful.