In the Moment

I'm sitting on my bed, being serenaded by the mooing of calves under my window. I'm all dressed up and so excited. I'm going to the Arkansas Symphony Orchestra with Seth. We're going as friends. I know this, but can't a girl hope? I feel like I'm about to go on an amazing date. I've got that anxious, excited, queasy feeling in my stomach.

I feel like there might still be something there, if I can just chill out and let it happen. I want so bad to be with him, but I'm realizing that I'll be okay if I'm not. It's an on-going journey that still has a lot of miles left, but I'm making progress.

I've got this huge fear of rejection. I don't want to lose one of my best friends. I don't want to feel like I've invested so much and then was left hanging. So usually, I try too hard. I make things awkward because I can't just let things unfold naturally. I'm scared. So I rush it.

But tonight, I'm going to be in the moment. I'm going to enjoy the time I've got with Seth. I'm going to thank God for putting him in my life and be grateful for this chance to spend time with him. I'm not going to worry about what will or won't happen between us in the future and I'm going to focus on the here and now. I'm going to laugh a lot and enjoy the performance. I'm not going to think about whether he's thinking about us romantically. I'm not going to worry myself to death over what he meant by a certain phrase or gesture. Things will work out the way God wants and there's nothing I can do to change that.