An Open Hand

As of late, I've been contemplating surrender. Or rather, what it means to surrender. What it feels like to surrender. What surrender costs. What it would cost not to surrender.

To too many people, the concept of surrender is distorted by images of waving white flags. It is associated with negative terms like coward, weak, defeat. But the kind of surrender I am talking about brings about strength and security. This kind of surrender requires discipline, courage, and trust. So much trust.

Losing control. Handing over the reins. Having faith. Sacrificing your life. Surrendering to God. They are one in the same.

I find that I am reluctant to let go of my plans, of my desires. I ponder what that says about my beliefs. Am I saying that I know better than God does? By holding onto the things of this world so tightly, am I telling God that He doesn't know what He's talking about? Am I implying that He's not as important as those things I hold so dear?

At lunch a few weeks ago, I went to the Missionary Baptist Student Fellowship for their Food for Thought program. The speaker told a story about a little girl and her father. The little girl got one of those plastic rings out of a machine at the front of the grocery store. She loved that ring. She showed it off to everyone she met. After a few months, her father came to her and said, "Sweetie, that's a beautiful ring. Would you give it to me?" "Oh no, daddy," she replied. "I love it so much." Time went on and every once in a while, the father would repeat his question. "Honey, would you give me your ring?" Each time the reply was the same. One day though, when the girl was about twelve, the father asked his question again. This time the girl gave him the ring. Her father grinned as he pulled a box out of his pocket and gave her a beautiful gold ring.

The moral of the story was that if we give God the things we're reluctant to let go of, he will put something else in our lives that will exceed the plans we had. Another illustration the speaker used that I love had to do with our fist. Imagine that all the things of this world are in the palm of your hand. Now imagine that you close your hand over them, so that nobody else can reach in and grab them. What is that saying to God? But imagine that you are holding all those things in an open hand. Now what are you saying to God?

I have to remind myself all the time to hold stuff in an open hand, not to say, "God, this is too important to me. You can't have it." Instead, I make myself say, "this was never mine in the first place. You can have it back if you want it." Usually I'm crying during this process, but I know how right it is.

I will not successfully fight my own battles, plan my own marriage, impress enough people, push through my own obstacles, or heal my own wounds. Only God can do that. This is something I fight every day to realize and apply to my life. I'd like to share with you a prayer I wrote to help me achieve the mindset that I desire.

Father, I'm holding all the things of my life in an open hand. My plans, my relationships, my possessions. They are all Yours to do with as You wish. I'm giving You myself. I'm surrendering my heart. My talents, my skills, my body, I'm committing to Your purpose. Take them and use them however You'd like. I'm opening myself up to be used in ways that will be uncomfortable, but I realize that that doesn't matter. Your service is what matters most, my God. I offer up all that I am. I give You everything because You gave it all to me in the first place. I don't want to be held back by selfishness and shallow desires. I'm not going to worry about what others think of me or what I can gain. I'm going to live for You. I long to be a person who lives her life in constant awe of You. So I am trusting You to guide my life better than I could, lead my relationships better than I could, and give me the things I need whether they be all I want or not. Teach me to fear You. For this I pray in Jesus name. Amen.